In a galaxy far away, on a planet ravished by floods and starvation...15 intrepid kayakers were put to the ultimate test...how fast could they bowl and how much Chinese could they snarf down!! Could humanity be saved by Keith (Hairy bum), Jen (Northern Monkey), Kirsty (Pie), Su (Blow), Dave (Special), Alice (Small), Simon (Hairy), Rach (Menial..thanks to Simons misspelling of Medium!), Adam (Long), Helen K (Tall), Lewis (BFG), Val (Polar Bear), Helen (Sorceress), Glynn (Sorcerer) and Moi (Badger)...
We quickly formed a queue to trade in our shoes for the designer Bowlplex ones...the slightly moody (well if l had to put my hand in Simon's shoes l wouldn't be too thrilled either) attendant clearly thought Dave couldn't handle laces and gave him Velcro ones! With us all looking rather chic in our new shoes we set about choosing the size (and more importantly, colour) of our balls and getting into the three lanes. After a bit of a to-do with the stupid machines (it should not be that hard to type in a few names!) we were eventually off!
I started my reign of terror off well with knocking down...eerrrr one pin! Thankfully we decided to just work on how fast you could bowl rather than accuracy...aside from Su who seemed to decide she was going for how slow you could bowl (although apparently still not worrying about accuracy!). Keith, Kirsty and Jen were the competition on our lane. Kirsty was bordering on plain scary with her run ups, Keith nearly threw himself down the lane getting his fastest score but where he (literally) fell flat on his face, he crossed the line so it didn't count and Jen, well she made a child cry but it was worth it as she got the fastest score out of the ladies (actually l can't remember if she beat Keith, more than likely though). Special Dave kicked all our butts on the first game getting the highest score, closely followed by Su who clearly sharked us (she ended up with the highest score after two games - on our lane anyway!). It seems Jen is pretty good with her left hand too (Super Jen lives up to the name again) and Su does well bowling backwards from between the legs! I managed to get a strike on my last go (typical) but the lane was clearly feeling sorry for us and quite often didn't start the next persons go until you had at least four goes...on one round it decided to give us all strikes no matter what you actually knocked down!!
Helen, Glynn, Val and Lewis...sadly they didn't quite get to finish their first game after having the lane reset 17 times!! Glynn was looking rather suave in his cap and bowl shoes, Helen was another with her own bowling 'style'...between the legs seems to work well! I was sure Lewis was going to take out a wall with his 'style' but he barely took out the pins (hehe) and l think would have taken Helen K's mantle of having the worst score if the lane hadn't had enough punishment and kicked them off! They all seemed to be having fun away from the lane and eventually resorted to getting a few drinks in whilst watching the rest of us demonstrate our lack of bowling ability.
Rach, Adam, Helen, Simon and Alice...hmm this lot actually all did pretty well! Oh, aside from Helen, but she still won 'Worst Score' so technically a winner! Every time l popped over Simon seemed to be taking the competition quite seriously, when challenged with beating Adam's speed score he even looked around for a more suitable ball weight. It was decided Alice was the perfect size for a bowling ball but we refrained from testing this theory, besides she was doing pretty well! I thought Rach would have been at a slight disadvantage given she was still recovering from her broken arm but NO...we have another 'Super' in the making! I was quite shocked to see Adam's speed score of 23.49! Kirsty, Jen and Keith were practically throwing themselves down the lanes and then there is Adam who calmly strolls up to the line and in one swoop, not only knocks most of the pins down but destroys their speed scores!
I think most of us had arm ache creeping in by the end of the two games so it was time for our next challenge - eat until you can't see your feet! After giving back our rather fetching bowling shoes, which were satisfactorily sweaty enough to count as revenge for the lanes going wrong so many times, we saw Simon running past the windows (apparently he thought we had gone ahead without him)! Not that it mattered who got there first as sadly we were tortured by being made to wait for a table (despite it being booked.) It was quite funny to see a couple get kicked off their table to make room for us. Eventually we were all seated...for a whole two seconds as then we were up queuing for FOOOOD! Val and l had to threaten to pull Simon's leg hairs as he tried to push me out of the queue! I think everyone managed two plates worth and ice cream but some of the guys were on three, if not four plates, by the end of it!
Then it was time for the prizes....
Worst Score (a rather lovely toilet with goo inside that made errrr squidgy noises!!) with a measly 132 pts....was....Helen (Tall)
So whilst Simon continued to eat the giant platter of ice cream he had put together, the rest of us started putting together the parachute men!
It is of deep regret that I inform you all of the deaths of four plastic parachute men, Bowlplex 5th Battalion - Mr Red, Mr Yellow, Mr Blue and Mr Green. They died rather unceremoniously after being repeatedly dropped, thrown and kicked from the escalator. Also unnecessarily injured was Sir Laughs-a-Lot the Cow, after being allowed to slide down the banister of the escalator without a parachute. This was met with a round of 'boooos' and a glare from Jen...we do not take kindly to animal cruelty Simon!!
Distracted by the toys, we missed out on meeting Keith's Mrs (the woman who must have the patience of a Saint)! One day it will happen...
Overall my first 'social' was a success...only 4 deaths, a broken arm (the cow) and l wasn't the worst at bowling!- Lynds
Photos by Jen.